Last week at the Museum of Tolerance in Los Angeles a survivor spoke to educators in training. On Holocaust Rememberance Day, just on the heels of the 101st anniversary of the Armenian Genocide, these words of social good resonate:
Learn to give and not feel sorry for yourself. To help a person- then you tap into the real beauty in life.
“Compassion is an action word with no boundaries.” ~Prince
I really enjoyed reading the recent article that parenting expert, Dr. Laura Markham, shared about how to rethink Valentine’s Day with simple actions that create deeper connections with the people we love.
As a philanthroparent, her last idea really resonated:
“Love in Practice. If you’d like your kids to take pride in making the world a better place, Valentines Day is a great opportunity to express love for others by taking valentines goodies or homemade valentines to a nursing home, hospital, or soup kitchen.”
I’m always looking for ways to rethink our family activities and routines in ways that impact our social consciousness. Since this will likely be our daughter’s first Valentine’s Day that she will remember, why not use it as an opportunity to create a tradition of celebrating Valentine’s Day through a lens of social good?
These ideas are different types of purposeful gifting that I’ve been musing and intend to try over the years- with my daughter’s increasing input, of course. I share them here in hopes that they spark action in your household, too.
The Gift of Your Time. As a teacher, the phrase “use your time wisely” probably came up in my class more times than can be counted. Now that I think back on it, what does that even mean to an elementary-age student?! I’d like to repurpose that phrase for Valentine’s Day into “use your time lovingly.” This is something that is much more concrete for a child. They can think of ways to be loving, and they’re learning what it looks like to be kind. Dr. Markham goes into many examples in her article of how to do that with the ones you love. You can expand this concept to encompass acts of kindness for others in the community. I love this article about a father and daughter who did random acts of kindness for their birthdays. It gives some great launching points for Valentine’s Day, but the best and most beautiful may come from your child’s imagination.
The Un-gift. Add a positive spin to the phrase “in lieu of,” which can commonly be associated with donations (rather than flowers) in memory of someone’s passing. It also has shown up at celebrations, like weddings, where a couple decides to redirect funds usually spent on party favors towards a charity that resonates with them. So why not use “in lieu of” for smaller occasions, like Valentine’s Day? Rather than using store-bought valentines or creating elaborate ones, use the money saved to support an organization of your family’s choosing. Then, use what you already have at home to create a simple “in lieu of” card.
The Gift-It-Forward. I agree with Dr. Markham on this: Valentines Gifts are NEVER about the item or product. At the least, it is about the thought that goes into the gift. She argues that you need not even purchase a gift! But if you were to purchase a gift, could you find one that serves a need? How about donating a box of produce to a low income family of food pantry? For our daughter’s birthday, we worked with CommuniGift, where we asked our guests to support our “birthday buddy.” They could purchase a simple gift for a child in need online instead of adding to our own toy collection. If you’re hosting a Valentine’s Day party, the same concept could apply.
The Inside-Out Gift. Dr. Markham points out that sometimes we as parents may be “too busy, too broke, and maybe even too harried” to be able to make the most of this holiday with our families. Thankfully, her ideas call to attention that Valentine’s Day does not have to be elaborate or a reflection of our consumer prowess. Instead, it can be a time for reflection. It allows you to acknowledge and show gratitude for the people you love in your life. And if you’re a philanthroparent, showing kindness and compassion to others is an important part of your family values, too. If your circumstances do not allow you to look outward towards gifts, celebrations and date-nights this year, you can choose to look inward instead. This loving-kindness meditation is one way to do that. It’s guided practice in sending goodwill to others. This one is also a gift to yourself- besides being cost-free, it may help you to feel less harried.
Simply put, carry this quote by Maya Angelou with you as you decide how to celebrate with your family this year: “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” Amidst cards and gifts, what will be the lasting feeling that remains when the day is done? With these ideas for purposeful gifting, I hope you have a (social) good Valentine’s Day!
Although that may sound impressive, it’s not exactly what you would think. Perhaps she has learned something even better, though. She used giving to find out what multiplication looks and feels like in real life, and these tangible experiences for young children are a powerful way to learn and reinforce new concepts (like multiplication). When our family was introduced to CommuniGift as her third birthday approached, I already sensed that it was an opportunity to grow the impact of our family giving, but I didn’t anticipate the added bonus of our daughter learning multiplication, too.
CommuniGift was founded upon the belief that all children, no matter their circumstance, deserves to feel special on their birthday. For some families, the opportunity to throw a birthday party, or even purchase a gift for their child is out of reach. Meanwhile, as we selected a play place, ordered food, and chose the cake, the spirit behind CommuniGift reminded me that this was plenty. Simone had more than enough to make her feel special on her birthday.
We discovered that through CommuniGift’s interface, rather than having our guests bring presents to her party, we could invite them to donate gifts to her virtual “birthday buddy” instead. (more…)
Yes! Don’t you just love coming across a parenting philosophy that resonates?! This #philanthroparent courtesy of @humansofny.
Sometimes breaking news reveals terrible tragedies. Each family must use their own best judgement to decide if (and how) they expose their children to these difficult stories. These decisions can be based on your child’s age, emotional temperament, or previous family discussions on a similar topic- simply to mention a few of the factors you might consider. Even if you decide not to share certain events with your child, they may be exposed to them as they go about their daily life at school or in the community.
I will one day be faced with the difficult task of discussing headlines like that of the recent attacks in Paris with my child. What can I take away from this event that will help me be prepared for these conversations in the future? The best lessons thus far came for me through this simple, powerful image by artist Lucille Clerc:
Lastly, service to others.
This is what as a parent I choose to write with my newly sharpened pencil. Volunteering is a tangible way to put pencil to paper with our children- an active way to process difficult events. The growth, teamwork, purpose, and support that is built through service- these can be the messages of hope we can write in permanent ink.
Our family is soon to embark on a new adventure: moving into a new home. While reflecting on our apartment life, I realized there were some meaningful lessons of social and environmental consciousness that arose from raising our daughter in this space. I will always be grateful for this experience with her. We hear about “The American Dream” partly being the ability to own a home with a yard, but when this is not possible it is important to remember that valuable life lessons come from a wide variety of different environments our children are exposed to- the grocery store, park, library, classroom, and ANY kind of living space that you call home. There are a few ways I think life in an apartment has influenced my daughter’s foundation of social awareness, and while I am not a social scientist researching the differences between a home and apartment upbringing, I do often wonder how our approach to some things as a family might have differed had we not shared this time here together. These are the stories I want to pass on to my daughter about her early years in our apartment. 
“Hello!” We’re lucky to live in a friendly complex where people are willing to engage with my daughter. Frequent interactions with other residents have offered her extra opportunities to see the value and joy of eye contact, friendly greetings and simple conversations. Every time we talk with the staff at our apartment complex, someone joins us on the elevator, or we pass by another resident in the courtyard, Simone has learned to greet them with a friendly hello and goodbye. And it seems like these face-to-face interactions have helped lay the groundwork for her approach to people when we’re out on the town, too. It’s as if every day she celebrates World Hello Day.
“Big trash truck!” From our bedroom windows, we see a multitude of trash trucks make their weekly rounds to our complex and neighboring buildings. We walk past the (sometimes overflowing) trash bin as we go to and from our car in the parking garage each day. This gives us much more frequent exposure to the waste we’re collectively producing. I count our daughter’s first self-discovered societal issue as her acknowledgement of “too much trash” one afternoon when we walked past the teeming dumpster in the garage. The messages to become more aware of our household waste are all around us, like in the provocative video, The Story of Stuff, but it is powerful to hear it from the voices of our children. Her early recognition of this issue was what solidified my commitment to try composting at our new home.
“Let’s go outside!” Like many toddlers, our daughter needs an opportunity to wander, push physical boundaries and release seemingly endless energy. We need to go beyond the walls of our apartment on a regular basis, and since our doors open to a small patio instead of a yard, we often rely on public spaces to get our fix of adventure and exploration. We visit parks, trails, community gardens, farmer’s markets, college campuses and art installations (to name some favorites). After recently discovering the term placemaking, I’m even more committed to enjoying public spaces with my family, acknowledging their shared value and importance in defining our community.
“More shoes?” Could the term “paring down” have something to do with the amount of shoes some people own these days? A moment of reflection came when I was cleaning out my daughter’s closet following a growth spurt. As she looked on and I took out another pair of her now too-small shoes, she voiced one of her first questions: “More shoes?” Admittedly, this is one area where I had not done my due diligence in using our limited square footage appropriately. Living with little storage space is a healthy check on my consumerism, especially surrounding my child’s belongings. How many more times would I be fooled by the old childhood trick of playing with a new toy for one week, then quickly replacing it with an invented toy from kitchen cookware or a fort from old sheets and pillows. I’ve begun discussions amongst friends about doing monthly toy swaps in place of a constantly cramped toy closet at our new home. I’m also thinking of setting a quarterly reminder to re-read this article from Apartment Therapy to make sure that my paring down promises have stuck.
Toddlers are curious about people, think trash trucks are pretty cool, like playing outside and can make a toy out of just about anything. Can the societal issues described here be explored from a house? Yes. This account does not suggest that my daughter is any more exceptional than any other two-year-old. I’m just thankful that our apartment offered our family so many rich opportunities to explore these areas and think critically about how they play out in our lives. As we bid farewell next week, I offer this ode to our apartment for influencing our family practices and values. Thank you for these gifts of social consciousness.
Summer can be carefree, whimsical, unstructured, and it can come with some quality time with our kids. But, let’s face it. Sometimes the start of school is a welcome change for parents. School can add some consistency to the day that might not be present during those lazy days of summer. It sort of fits with the notion that the busier you are, the more you get done.
But as the school bells ring, the schedules start, and as the after-school activities and homework kick into gear, a Philanthroparent remembers these words:
“Never be so busy as not to think of others.”-Mother Teresa
In the hustle and bustle of daily life as our kids go back to school, how can we still honor our commitment to giving back? Reflect on these principles:
1. Work it in vs. Add it on. Instead of analyzing your schedule to figure out how to make more time for philanthropy, see how philanthropy connects to something already going on in your family members’ daily lives. Instead of rushing out to get yet another last-minute party gift, help your child to research an organization you can make an online donation to- one that supports a cause the honoree can connect with. If you’re buying a new ______ (fill in the blank) , discuss with your child where the previous item might get the most use in your community if it’s donated.
2. Use your interests, skills and talents. Reframe the things your family likes to do already by putting a social purpose spin on it. If you already get enjoyment out of riding bikes together, plan ahead to get somewhere by bike instead of by car. If your kids are helping to make dinner or dessert tonight, double the recipe and go say thank you to your local ______ (let your kid decide). Don’t just donate stuff. Find a place to donate your child’s talent too- art, music, technology skills, etc. They might get in some valuable practice time without you nagging them about it for once!
3. Listen. Keep your ears open to comments that reflect your child’s concern for things they see in the community, world issues they overhear on the news, or conflicts they are having with friends. Finding action to address these concerns might give them a sense of control and alleviate any anxiousness surrounding these thoughts, thereby also saving the time that worrying can take up.
4. Get support. Seek out systems already in place that help show your child the value of social responsibility. You don’t have to create these opportunities all on your own for them. Have you considered girl or boy scouts, a Kid’s Care Club, or a program that focuses on civic-mindedness and leadership like KidUnity? Your child’s school might be a perfect place to get support for your ideas: a community service coordinator, the PTA, or even your child’s classroom teacher might know of programs to support your family’s community service endeavors.
5. Take something out. Believe it or not, service to others (or the earth) doesn’t have to be something that takes extra time. Think of what great quality time could come from taking something out of the schedule. “Let’s skip going to the car wash this weekend to help us remember to save water during the drought we’re facing. You get to pick something fun that we could do with that hour instead!” Set up a challenge one month for each family member to think of something they could cut out of the daily routine that saves a resource and creates a cooky family activity instead. Candlelight homework, anyone? Just don’t be shocked if your child proposes to skip the dishes or a shower.
As the school year kicks into gear and you wonder how you’re going to make time for social purpose parenting, remember that social and environmental consciousness can benefit others and your family at the same time. Philanthroparents might not favor the saying, “kill two birds with one stone,” but “fill two needs with one deed,” captures it perfectly.
Too many times I’ve heard my husband call out, “Honey, I can’t find the (insert object here)!” Even after telling him exactly where to look, I still end up having to go and show him myself. Usually it is right where I suggested it would be, just that it required lifting or moving something else slightly out of the way to see it.
I find that sometimes seeing opportunities for service is a similar process- it might be right there in front of me, but I haven’t adjusted my focus or changed my filter to see it that way. I’m going to suggest five realms where service opportunities can be discovered. Overall, these might seem fairly self-explanatory, but perhaps there’s one category here you hadn’t considered or you hadn’t thought about how well it fit into your family’s daily life already.
Over the course of time, I’ll expand on these categories and use them to help organize the ideas, tips and resources shared on Philanthroparent.com . Hopefully this list gives you a fresh perspective on what opportunities are already there in front of you. Maybe you’ll discover something you didn’t even know you were searching for. Take a look. There’s a good chance you’ll be able to find it quicker than my husband can find the things he’s been looking for in his closet. (more…)
“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”
“I’m convinced of this: Good done anywhere is good done everywhere.”
Philanthroparent 