Last week at the Museum of Tolerance in Los Angeles a survivor spoke to educators in training. On Holocaust Rememberance Day, just on the heels of the 101st anniversary of the Armenian Genocide, these words of social good resonate:
Learn to give and not feel sorry for yourself. To help a person- then you tap into the real beauty in life.
“Compassion is an action word with no boundaries.” ~Prince
Yes! Don’t you just love coming across a parenting philosophy that resonates?! This #philanthroparent courtesy of @humansofny.
Sometimes breaking news reveals terrible tragedies. Each family must use their own best judgement to decide if (and how) they expose their children to these difficult stories. These decisions can be based on your child’s age, emotional temperament, or previous family discussions on a similar topic- simply to mention a few of the factors you might consider. Even if you decide not to share certain events with your child, they may be exposed to them as they go about their daily life at school or in the community.
I will one day be faced with the difficult task of discussing headlines like that of the recent attacks in Paris with my child. What can I take away from this event that will help me be prepared for these conversations in the future? The best lessons thus far came for me through this simple, powerful image by artist Lucille Clerc:
Lastly, service to others.
This is what as a parent I choose to write with my newly sharpened pencil. Volunteering is a tangible way to put pencil to paper with our children- an active way to process difficult events. The growth, teamwork, purpose, and support that is built through service- these can be the messages of hope we can write in permanent ink.
As it is in the art of teaching, so it often is in the art of parenting. Take this quote from Leo Buscaglia in Living, Loving, Learning. So much inspiration can be shared between these two professions.
“Maybe the essence of education is not to stuff you with facts, but to help you to discover your uniqueness, to teach you how to develop it and then to teach you how to give it away.”
Summer can be carefree, whimsical, unstructured, and it can come with some quality time with our kids. But, let’s face it. Sometimes the start of school is a welcome change for parents. School can add some consistency to the day that might not be present during those lazy days of summer. It sort of fits with the notion that the busier you are, the more you get done.
But as the school bells ring, the schedules start, and as the after-school activities and homework kick into gear, a Philanthroparent remembers these words:
“Never be so busy as not to think of others.”-Mother Teresa
In the hustle and bustle of daily life as our kids go back to school, how can we still honor our commitment to giving back? Reflect on these principles:
1. Work it in vs. Add it on. Instead of analyzing your schedule to figure out how to make more time for philanthropy, see how philanthropy connects to something already going on in your family members’ daily lives. Instead of rushing out to get yet another last-minute party gift, help your child to research an organization you can make an online donation to- one that supports a cause the honoree can connect with. If you’re buying a new ______ (fill in the blank) , discuss with your child where the previous item might get the most use in your community if it’s donated.
2. Use your interests, skills and talents. Reframe the things your family likes to do already by putting a social purpose spin on it. If you already get enjoyment out of riding bikes together, plan ahead to get somewhere by bike instead of by car. If your kids are helping to make dinner or dessert tonight, double the recipe and go say thank you to your local ______ (let your kid decide). Don’t just donate stuff. Find a place to donate your child’s talent too- art, music, technology skills, etc. They might get in some valuable practice time without you nagging them about it for once!
3. Listen. Keep your ears open to comments that reflect your child’s concern for things they see in the community, world issues they overhear on the news, or conflicts they are having with friends. Finding action to address these concerns might give them a sense of control and alleviate any anxiousness surrounding these thoughts, thereby also saving the time that worrying can take up.
4. Get support. Seek out systems already in place that help show your child the value of social responsibility. You don’t have to create these opportunities all on your own for them. Have you considered girl or boy scouts, a Kid’s Care Club, or a program that focuses on civic-mindedness and leadership like KidUnity? Your child’s school might be a perfect place to get support for your ideas: a community service coordinator, the PTA, or even your child’s classroom teacher might know of programs to support your family’s community service endeavors.
5. Take something out. Believe it or not, service to others (or the earth) doesn’t have to be something that takes extra time. Think of what great quality time could come from taking something out of the schedule. “Let’s skip going to the car wash this weekend to help us remember to save water during the drought we’re facing. You get to pick something fun that we could do with that hour instead!” Set up a challenge one month for each family member to think of something they could cut out of the daily routine that saves a resource and creates a cooky family activity instead. Candlelight homework, anyone? Just don’t be shocked if your child proposes to skip the dishes or a shower.
As the school year kicks into gear and you wonder how you’re going to make time for social purpose parenting, remember that social and environmental consciousness can benefit others and your family at the same time. Philanthroparents might not favor the saying, “kill two birds with one stone,” but “fill two needs with one deed,” captures it perfectly.
Imagine yourself without a skeleton. You’d be a big blob of tissue on the floor. While strange and uncomfortable to think about, this is an important analogy to consider in terms of your family’s service efforts. Philanthropy by itself without adding structure and context might not fully serve its purpose—like a body without a skeleton. Adding structure to your service process can help you get the most out of the experience. In addition to the important support you’re providing to others, there is much for your child to gain from service: becoming a more informed citizen, a sense of gratitude, a leadership opportunity, a chance to practice organization, social skills, advocacy, and seeing family members in new roles. The list goes on. What steps do we take to make the most of these opportunities for learning and growth? 
I’d like to share a framework that many teachers use to add substance and context to their class’ service learning curriculum. Looked at through the eyes of a parent, this structure offers a supportive guideline to help you get the most meaning possible out of your family’s philanthropy endeavors. This framework was developed by leading service learning advocate, author and consultant, Cathryn Berger Kaye. The steps are summarized here (with adaptations for a parent’s perspective).
Stage One: Investigation
What’s up?! Take time before you volunteer to define and get to know the community you will be serving. What do you know or need to know about this community and the social issue in order to be most helpful? This question can help you distinguish what actions will lead to a meaningful contribution. And most importantly, what topics interest your child? Do they comment on trash in the park or people who appear to be in need as you are driving home from school.
Stage Two: Preparation & Planning
Get organized! When your child has an idea all their own for helping people, animals or the planet, this is especially important so that when it comes time to act, they’re most effective. Have your child consider the “5W and H” questions many of us were taught as young writers to help guide their efforts: Who? What? When? Where? Why? How?
Stage Three: Action
Act Up! Provide a service. Keep in mind that there are many types of actions to choose from. You can directly impact a community or organization by working face-to-face or alongside whom you are trying to support. You can indirectly contribute to an issue through drives, collections, or making things. You can advocate for a cause. You can research an issue and discover important information that will motivate others to act or that an organization focusing on the same cause can benefit from knowing about.
Stage Four: Reflection
Press pause and ponder! Often times, people see reflection as something you do when an experience is complete. Reflection can actually happen amidst all of the stages listed above. Simply modeling your own reflections throughout the experience can be an effective and subtle way to help your child think about their participation. You can describe what you thought was special about the shared experience, what you learned or what emotions came about for you during the process. Hearing about everyone’s part in the process shows how valuable each family member’s contribution is.
Stage Five: Demonstration
Get the word out! Your story isn’t over when the activity is complete. Share your process with others. This is a great place for your child to practice advocacy. Tell people about what you’ve done. You can start with your inner circle of family and friends, however others in the community will benefit from knowing what you’re up to also. What media resources could you use to spread the news? Remember that stories can be told through words, images, or even more action for the cause.
Put together, these five stages for service offer your family a chance to build meaningful experiences that not only enact change, but also incorporate personal growth and learning too. Instead of a standalone philanthropy activity, you can use these five stages to develop your child’s voice for a cause they care about and that they are knowledgeable of too. Most of all, celebrate the joy of family time spent together contributing to your community.
*This 5-stage model originates from The Complete Guide to Service Learning (2nd Edition), by Cathryn Berger Kaye, Free Spirit Publishing, copyright 2010. For a more in-depth look at her curriculum visit her website and check out The Complete Guide to Service Learning.
*This article is adapted from a previous post.
Too many times I’ve heard my husband call out, “Honey, I can’t find the (insert object here)!” Even after telling him exactly where to look, I still end up having to go and show him myself. Usually it is right where I suggested it would be, just that it required lifting or moving something else slightly out of the way to see it.
I find that sometimes seeing opportunities for service is a similar process- it might be right there in front of me, but I haven’t adjusted my focus or changed my filter to see it that way. I’m going to suggest five realms where service opportunities can be discovered. Overall, these might seem fairly self-explanatory, but perhaps there’s one category here you hadn’t considered or you hadn’t thought about how well it fit into your family’s daily life already.
Over the course of time, I’ll expand on these categories and use them to help organize the ideas, tips and resources shared on Philanthroparent.com . Hopefully this list gives you a fresh perspective on what opportunities are already there in front of you. Maybe you’ll discover something you didn’t even know you were searching for. Take a look. There’s a good chance you’ll be able to find it quicker than my husband can find the things he’s been looking for in his closet. (more…)
“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”
“I’m convinced of this: Good done anywhere is good done everywhere.”
Even though it is not officially entered into the Oxford English Dictionary yet, selfie became the OxfordDictionaries.com 2013 International Word of the Year. It was chosen in part because its usage increased 17,000% between November 2012 and November 2013. Other Word of the Year winners in the 21st century within the UK or US: credit crunch, carbon footprint, locavore. New words that explode into use capture some of the trends and changes afoot in society. Why not help capture a new trend- parenting with a purpose- by adding two new words to popular culture?
Actually, anyone can propose a word for submission into the Oxford English Dictionary. To be considered, OED explains that the word typically has to be found within print by a published source and be “used with the expectation of being understood” – a word that people have a common understanding for that doesn’t require an explanation each time it is used.
I’d like to propose two new words worthy of being included in future editions of the Oxford English Dictionary: #philanthroparent and #famanthropy. They signify a new era of socially conscious parenting. It starts with publishing them here. Use them. Introduce them to others. Let’s get this new parenting trend started!
Philanthroparent, n. : 1. A parent dedicated to exploring social consciousness with their family through philanthropy and service opportunities in the local and global community. 2. A parent reframing their family life towards more volunteer opportunities to raise community-minded global citizens.
Famanthropy, n. : The practice of family philanthropy, where family members collectively use their interests and talents to serve and better their community.
Philanthroparent 